Dear Celebrity: No one cares who you are endorsing.

Dear Famous Person Publicly Announcing Your Support for a Candidate,

No one gives a rat’s ass who you are supporting.

Anyone who is swayed by your endorsement is feckless moron who deserves to forever have their order wrong at the drive through.

It is only because you have the benefit that you sing better, run faster, can fake cry while not looking into a camera, write well, draw pretty pictures, or can sing and dance at the same time while having an intense need for people to pay attention to you, that anyone even knows who you are.  That is the extent of what matters about what you do, or at least should.  Of course this isn’t the way our society works and we have become suckers to caring far to much about things in your life.  Okay fine.  I’ll accept that we want to know what brand of toothpaste you use and where you vacation, who you’re fucking, who’s your ‘beefing’ with, and all that other crap.  Hell, I won’t lie, I use the level of obsession people have about your personal lives as an indicator of the people I should avoid.

Having said that, I wan’t to revisit my original statement:  No one gives a rat’s ass who you are supporting, and they shouldn’t.

You see, just because you are famous at something doesn’t mean you actually know…well…jack shit about politics.  Sure, you’ve been tossed a gold plated pewter statue or two, you’ve used your celebrity to meet some very important politicians and academics at fundraisers, and you do get to influence our tastes about culture and entertainment, but you really don’t know dick about politics.  No more so than anyone else.

There’s this great thing called the Dunning-Kruger effect.  Lemme sum it up for you; “You’re dumber than you think you are.”  Because you’ve been labelled an expert of some subject like, I dunno, let’s say ‘media manipulation’, you’ve become convinced that you’re an expert on other things.  Or let’s talk about you, the reader and me the writer.  You’re really clever at something like computer programming, accounting, plumbing, or even astrophysics.  That’s doesn’t mean you’re an expert on anything else.  I say astrophysics for one specific reason; Neil deGrasse Tyson.  I do not deny that the man is an absolute genius about all that goes into astrophysics like math, string theory, chemistry, um…physics.  If the subject came up, I would shut my mouth and let him talk, he’s the expert.  However, many of you may not know this, but whenever the man has started talking about history, expert historians tend to groan in great agony because he’s not as good as he or the masses think he is.  Sorry folks, but it’s true.  He’s not a great historian, and only an above average philosopher…I mean sure, we’re all made of star stuff but so is dog crap.

I brought up Neil not to take him down a peg…okay, maybe a little…but I brought him up because he’s an example of a celebrity who might be good at one thing, but only average or even terrible at another.  No, he hasn’t endorsed anyone I know of, but I would call shenanigans on him unless he based his opinions on anything other than the politician promising to fund NASA enough to build Disneyworld on Ganymede.  Still, the point stands.  Celebrities are just as full of crappy terrible opinions as the person in the next cube over.  They can be as clueless and out of touch as your mildly racist grandmother.  In fact, it’s not that they can be, it’s that they in fact are.

So, the next time my dear famous person, you get the bug up your ass to write a long and  rambling essay for a clickbait crap hole of a website that name drops some over hyped mid-20th Century writer known for being quoted by people who want to sound clever about who you’re voting for and why, just remember.  No one cares.  It doesn’t change anyone’s vote.  And anyone who’s vote is swayed by your endorsement, is a monkey with a brain injury.  You’re just the equivalent of a cocktail party douche canoe who won’t shut up about their politics and just talk about Game of Throne like a normal person.  You just don’t know it.

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