1.) Find his childhood sled.
2.) Hug him and whisper, “It’s not your fault,” until he cries.
3.) Tell him that we’re sure his father actually loved him.
4.) Defeat him in a downhill ski race.
5.) Have his old business partner Jacob Marley visit him on Christmas Eve.
6.) Tell him it’s the right size for us.
7.) Have Morgan Freeman read him a biography of Abraham Lincoln.
8.) Force him to watch The West Wing, Clockwork Orange style.
9.) Explain to him why invading Poland is a really bad idea.
10.) Don’t you think he looks tired?