Kanye West Doesn’t Care About Black People.

Oooooh, I got tingly writing that title.  It’s like I click ‘baited outside someones window while watching from the bushes.

 

Anyway, I have a personal policy of not writing about events in pop culture right as they happen, mostly because people tend to talk completely out their asses.  That I think has been the greatest curse of the internet.  That everyone can just spew an opinion, not a half-formed one, but one completely formed in a vacuum of actually understanding what the hell they are talking about.  Just like particles formed in a vacuum, these opinions obliterate themselves in a blink of an eye.

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No, the irony of the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle reference is not lost on me in this particular case.

In this particular case, I avoided the whole Kanye West/Grammy’s event for more than one reason.  Firstly, I don’t give a shit about award shows.  I don’t give a damn who wins what award because it honestly doesn’t change what I think of a movie or musician.  I like The Godfather not because it won three of the nine Oscar categories it was nominated for, I like it because it’s a really great film.  That and it has Abe “Fish” Vigoda in it.  I also think Public Enemy is one of the greatest rap groups of all time, despite the fact they never won a single Grammy.  That and they did the vastly superior rock/rap fusion with Anthrax (Sorry, Run-D.M.C.  You guys were screwed by Aerosmith).  Award show drama is stupid, insipid, and reflects the finest of circle jerk culture.  I could have given a damn.  Secondly, I knew every self-indulgent blogger, click-hole of a website, and “white guiltier than thou” person out there would jump all over themselves writing “think” pieces about how systemic racism pervades all.

Look, I didn’t listen to either Beyonce’s or Beck’s album, so I can’t say who had the better “Album of the Year.”  I spent most of the last year listening to RJD2 tracks on Pandora because I have a love of funky house.  Seriously, check him out.  Also try out some Wax Tailor and Kid Koala, you might like them.  Anyway, back to my point I was trying to make.  I don’t know who had the better album though some people have some strong opinions.   There is some validity to both of these arguments.  Look, Beck is talented as fuck.  If you can’t accept that Odelay was probably one of the best albums of the 1990’s and counts as a genre defining album, you’re an idiot.  Beck can play multiple instruments and treats different styles of music as playthings. Beyonce has strong claim to the title “Queen Bey”.  That woman has dominated the charts and pop culture since her days with Destiny’s Child.  She is without a doubt one of the most talented performers and singers of the past 20 years and maintained an amazing level of relevancy.  All of that, and she is a legitimate class act.

And that’s why Kanye West is an asshole.  An unbridled, unabashed self-aggrandizing, egotistical asshole.  Not only did he bully a teenager at an awards show, but he stormed the stage again in an attempt to spew his opinion when it was entirely unsolicited when Beck beat Beyonce.  It turns out that HE DIDN’T EVEN LISTEN TO BOTH ALBUMS!  That’s right folks.  Kanye, the voice of the oppressed black artist, champion of racial issues, was talking completely out his ass when he said the Grammy’s didn’t respect artistry.  He doesn’t respect artistry, he doesn’t even listen to the artists in question, he just wants to bang Beyonce.

Meanwhile, Kanye’s shit and the desire to jump on the click bait band wagon results in pablum like this Salon backwash.  Which mind you, is written by an Asian guy who’s most famous for getting a lot of Jeopardy questions right.  This once again proves that knowledge of rote facts does not prove high critical thinking skills.  Seriously, if being good at trivia games warrants a career as an opinion columnist, then whomever “DodgeTruckBoi69” at the Buffalo Wild Wings interactive trivia night is, he totally deserves a job writing for Salon too.  His articles will at least have the excuse of being written piss drunk on Coors Light pitchers.

And you see, that’s why I don’t live tweet, blog, or react instantly to news as it happens (generally)  I know that I don’t have all the facts or I’m reacting in the moment.  When things like that happen, people end up looking like assholes.  I mostly react to people’s reactions, and point and laugh as evidenced here:

So why did I title this post the way I did?  Well, because Kanye is a self-indulgent asshole, who actually despite the fact that he might have a point, totally ruins it with his actions.  I know a whole bunch of Social Justice Samurai just flipped their shit, but it’s true.  Without a doubt there is systemic racism in our culture.  It manifests itself in everything from Stop-and-Frisk and Police Profiling to “Missing White Girl Syndrome“.  I have no doubt that at times there might be cultural bias when it comes to recognizing achievements and handing out awards as well.  However, actions like Kanye’s takes away from legitimate call outs of this.  Saying that minority artists are snubbed has merit, but when you blurt it out without even hearing what that white cisgender heterosexual male did, makes you kind of a reactionary asshole.  It’s direct proof to the claim by many people that “playing the race card” is a real thing.  If you’re too stupid to know what “playing the race card” is, let me sum it up.  A minority person, most likely black, gets caught doing something shitty.  They then scream “RACISM!!!!” as an attempt to justify the shitty act.  This results in things like this abomination appearing on the internet:

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What really annoys me about this image is not it’s latent racist statement, it’s the formatting.  Instants do not have a power/toughness score in Magic the Gathering since they’re not creatures.

Yeezus (He seriously called himself that?  Fuck me…), by “playing the race card” and then getting caught talking out his ass makes “the race card” a real thing, and ends up totally destroying any legitimacy to any criticism he might have.  As fucked up as this sounds, and God help me for saying it, his little indulgent rant about ‘celebrities being as important as civil rights leaders’, has a nugget of truth.  Now, no, Kanye you aren’t as important as Martin Luther King Jr. to racial justice in America, but you do have a voice.  I’ve learned as much being the virtually non-existant celebrity I am by being a local writer/comedian here in Oklahoma City.  Quite often I have some young, shy, and uncomfortable transwoman come up to me and thank me for speaking out and wants to shake my hand.  A lot of them want to be my friend on Facebook or even in real life.  I have to warn them that I am actually a dreadful role model and not someone to be listened too at all.  My dogs, the closest creatures on this planet to me, don’t even respect me, as evidenced by the cold spot of pee on the floor every time I get up in the morning.  Still, I do have to mind what I say.  Because to many people, I am that representative of the trans community.  My statements and opinions carry weight with people especially when I’m the only one they know.

Now, before you say any damn thing; no, I’m not saying being trans is just like being black.  Shit no.  The only things being trans and being black have in common is a higher than average murder rate and police profiling.  I still got my white privilege.

What I am saying, is that by being a black celebrity, what he says and does carries weight with some people.  For better or for worse.  Okay, completely for worse, because Kanye is a fuck.  His self-indulgent attitude that his opinion matters more than anyone elses, that he thinks race played any role in Beck beating Beyonce without even listening to either album, actually hurts any position he might have, and any position he might be right on.  Why?  Because ‘feels’ go both ways.  Kanye wants to get all emotionally reactionary like a spoiled girl on a factory tour.

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I’mma let you finish but Milton Hershey had the best chocolate bar of all time.  ALL TIME!

And when he gets busted being a self-indulgent little shit stack ‘playing the race card’ out his ass, he effectively shuts down a lot of conversation, and turns more people against those people who can make logical and reasonable arguments without storming the stage like a petutlant twat.  Kanye is more concerned about letting the world know what Kanye thinks, than what actually needs to be said by smarter, more reasonable people.  In that regard, Kanye doesn’t care about black people, Kanye cares about Kanye.

I’m forgoing an easy joke now about Kanye leaving his old fiance a black woman for a series of white girls because he’s Gold Digger, because I’m not going to kick him when he’s down.

 

 

True Stories of My Own Stupidity.

Years ago, I was working for a computer company doing IT support shortly after I had moved from Mississippi to Oklahoma.  Generally, there was a specific department that dealt with calls in Spanish; this was not my department.   One day, I ended up with a call from a user who spoke only Spanish, and unfortunately the Spanish speaking department was unavailable.  Wanting to make sure that the customer was taken care of, I said in my terrible attemp, “Uno momento por favor.”

Putting the customer on hold, I went to go see if one of my co-workers whom I knew did speak Spanish was available.  Unfortunately, Hector was busy, so I thought to myself, “Hey! What about Jill?”  Jill was a brown skinned, raven headed girl, clearly of Latino decent.  I knew she didn’t have a Latino accent, but I also knew that often second or third generation Latinos were bi-lingual as their parents or grandparents spoke Spanish at home and they spoke English out around town.  Fortunately, Jill was not busy so I ran over to her and said, “Jill, could you help me please?  I got a guy on the phone who only speaks Spanish and the Spanish line is down.  Can you help me please?”

Jill, ever so sweetly, and clearly not having this be the first time this has happened said to me with a smile, “Amanda, sweetie.  I don’t speak Spanish.  I’m a full blooded Cherokee.”

 

Lesson Learned?  Brown skinned, dark haired people in Oklahoma aren’t only Latino, they’re also possibly Native American.  And I’m an ass.

Pope-a Don’t Preach, If’a I Don’t Like’a What You Gotta Say.

I hate myself for that title but it’s all I could come up with.

 

Anyway, the other day the Pope, praised Slovaks for their defense of the family.  Of course people immediately read this as the Pope attacking the idea of gay marriage and saying it’s wrong.  Now, that bastion of Journalism (whatever the fuck this is supposed to be) Buzzfeed says he endorsed an upcoming vote about gay marriage, in Slovakia to ban it.  Of course you’ll have to search the document towards the very end to find the two sentences which actually doesn’t say that.  It says that he is welcoming Slovaks who are visiting the Vatican and praising their defense of families.  He also gave a lesson about fathers and welcomed people from a dozen or so other countries and praised their defense of the family and fatherhood, including the United States where gay marriage is winning everywhere, and is about to go to the Supreme Court.  Oh, he also said something about the war in the Ukraine being bad or something, but cares about that right?

 

 

Of course LGBT advocates and writers had a banner re-tweet day over this.

Yes, that is Gawker reblogging Buzzfeed right there.

 

Am I the only one who thought this?

 

Wait, shit…

 

And I wrote that before I read the actual statement from the Pope.

 

You see, this is probably my biggest gripe about people griping about religion.  They’re really shitty at actually understanding religion.  Yeah, I know that makes me sound like a pompous ass, as if I somehow know better, but trust me, some people are truly as stupid, ignorant, close-minded, and hypocritical as the religious people they’re attacking.

Look, I get it, the Pope makes you sad because he doesn’t like the things you like, or at least seems that way when you want it to be that way.  I mean, there’s this, and this, oh and this.

It’s almost like…  he has complex, often conflicting, and challenging views on the issue!  It’s like he’s human or something, not some infallable pontiff!

To truly understand a concept as complex, deep, and important to human identity as religion, you usually need a degree in theology, a discipline almost as old as Western Civilization.  And before you scoff all over your copy of The God Delusion, remember that the oldest institution of higher learning in the English speaking world still teaches the stuff. so does Harvard, Yale, Berkeley, Columbia, and a few others.  Oh, fun fact that will probably blow your little minds.  The entire concept of College Education?  Invented by religious people to award degrees.  Oxford, Cambridge, Salamanca, Sorbonne, Bologna, all the oldest Universities in Europe, started by the Catholic Church.

So wait, does this mean that Christianity ended the Christianity Induced Dark Ages?

So wait, does this mean that Christianity ended the Christianity Induced Dark Ages?

 

Seriously though.  Comparatively, you’re a blithering idiot when it comes to understanding religion, theology, and the beliefs and doctrine of the various faiths, when stacked up against your average seminarian.  So, really.  Shut your face.  Oh and another thing.  Quit taking the Bible so damn literally.  Most faiths don’t even take it literally and interpreting the Bible even has it’s own term called Hermunetics.   Besides, you insult the really long list of people who studied and pondered their faiths, wrote about them, and evolved them.  I mean for Christ’s sake, Martin Luther?  MARTIN FUCKING LUTHER PROTESTANT REVOLUTION DAMN IT!

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I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to have an opinion and to share it.  I’m saying at least know what the hell you’re talking about.  You jump up those Idiot Tea Partiers asses about science, global warming, “born gay that way”, evolution and stuff when they clearly don’t know what they are talking about; don’t go spouting off about religion when you’re a clueless twat.

Oh….the Catholic Church believes in evolution, and man made global warming.

Here’s another thing about all this.  We are talking about an almost 2000 year old institution here.  To give you a sense of scale, the claimed oldest Pope knew Jesus personally.  Historically though, the first true holder of the power the Pope would come to have came to power in about 440.  To give a frame of reference, the Western Roman Empire was still 30 years from falling.  That’s right.  By two different standards the Pope is oldest title still intact in Europe.  In fact, one of his titles, Pontifex Maximus is older than the title of Emperor of Rome.  The Pope really is the last living vestige of Rome.

So let me venture something to you…

 

YOU EXPECT A 2000 YEAR OLD INSTITUTION TO DO A 180 OVERNIGHT?!  ARE YOU STUPID?

Are you serious?  The Church didn’t officially switch away from Latin Masses until the 1960’s!  The formally exonerated Galileo in….1992!  These people don’t do anything fast, okay?  Additionally, some of these things the Church teaches took a while to evolve.  Like the whole “Excommunicate Gays” thing wasn’t official until 1179 (though they weren’t exactly cool with it before).  This is not exactly a “nimble” institution, and could definitely use some Lean Six-Sigma work.    Also, if stuff like this article, this about the Vatican bank, also this one about corruption is any indication, it seems like the Pope is fighting some entrenched and corrupt institutions and interests.  Kind of like the modern U.S. Congress.  Maybe he is playing politics because he’s worried about stuff like a modern Schism.  I mean, that shit’s happened before, ya know.  Maybe he wants to save the Church without destroying it?

 

Ah, what do I know?  I’m not Buzzfeed or Twitter, or a subscriber to /r/atheism 

 

I’ll go back to dick jokes now.

 

 

 

Why I Think There Should Be A White History Month

With February being Black History Month in the United States, I felt it was time that I wrote this article to express how I felt on this issue.  As is normal this time of year, we speak a lot about the importance of racial history in this country, and I wanted to share why I think there should a special month for white people’s history.

 

My feeling is thus:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CLICK BAIT, BITCHES!

 

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