Pope-a Don’t Preach, If’a I Don’t Like’a What You Gotta Say.

I hate myself for that title but it’s all I could come up with.


Anyway, the other day the Pope, praised Slovaks for their defense of the family.  Of course people immediately read this as the Pope attacking the idea of gay marriage and saying it’s wrong.  Now, that bastion of Journalism (whatever the fuck this is supposed to be) Buzzfeed says he endorsed an upcoming vote about gay marriage, in Slovakia to ban it.  Of course you’ll have to search the document towards the very end to find the two sentences which actually doesn’t say that.  It says that he is welcoming Slovaks who are visiting the Vatican and praising their defense of families.  He also gave a lesson about fathers and welcomed people from a dozen or so other countries and praised their defense of the family and fatherhood, including the United States where gay marriage is winning everywhere, and is about to go to the Supreme Court.  Oh, he also said something about the war in the Ukraine being bad or something, but cares about that right?



Of course LGBT advocates and writers had a banner re-tweet day over this.

Yes, that is Gawker reblogging Buzzfeed right there.


Am I the only one who thought this?


Wait, shit…


And I wrote that before I read the actual statement from the Pope.


You see, this is probably my biggest gripe about people griping about religion.  They’re really shitty at actually understanding religion.  Yeah, I know that makes me sound like a pompous ass, as if I somehow know better, but trust me, some people are truly as stupid, ignorant, close-minded, and hypocritical as the religious people they’re attacking.

Look, I get it, the Pope makes you sad because he doesn’t like the things you like, or at least seems that way when you want it to be that way.  I mean, there’s this, and this, oh and this.

It’s almost like…  he has complex, often conflicting, and challenging views on the issue!  It’s like he’s human or something, not some infallable pontiff!

To truly understand a concept as complex, deep, and important to human identity as religion, you usually need a degree in theology, a discipline almost as old as Western Civilization.  And before you scoff all over your copy of The God Delusion, remember that the oldest institution of higher learning in the English speaking world still teaches the stuff. so does Harvard, Yale, Berkeley, Columbia, and a few others.  Oh, fun fact that will probably blow your little minds.  The entire concept of College Education?  Invented by religious people to award degrees.  Oxford, Cambridge, Salamanca, Sorbonne, Bologna, all the oldest Universities in Europe, started by the Catholic Church.

So wait, does this mean that Christianity ended the Christianity Induced Dark Ages?

So wait, does this mean that Christianity ended the Christianity Induced Dark Ages?


Seriously though.  Comparatively, you’re a blithering idiot when it comes to understanding religion, theology, and the beliefs and doctrine of the various faiths, when stacked up against your average seminarian.  So, really.  Shut your face.  Oh and another thing.  Quit taking the Bible so damn literally.  Most faiths don’t even take it literally and interpreting the Bible even has it’s own term called Hermunetics.   Besides, you insult the really long list of people who studied and pondered their faiths, wrote about them, and evolved them.  I mean for Christ’s sake, Martin Luther?  MARTIN FUCKING LUTHER PROTESTANT REVOLUTION DAMN IT!


I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to have an opinion and to share it.  I’m saying at least know what the hell you’re talking about.  You jump up those Idiot Tea Partiers asses about science, global warming, “born gay that way”, evolution and stuff when they clearly don’t know what they are talking about; don’t go spouting off about religion when you’re a clueless twat.

Oh….the Catholic Church believes in evolution, and man made global warming.

Here’s another thing about all this.  We are talking about an almost 2000 year old institution here.  To give you a sense of scale, the claimed oldest Pope knew Jesus personally.  Historically though, the first true holder of the power the Pope would come to have came to power in about 440.  To give a frame of reference, the Western Roman Empire was still 30 years from falling.  That’s right.  By two different standards the Pope is oldest title still intact in Europe.  In fact, one of his titles, Pontifex Maximus is older than the title of Emperor of Rome.  The Pope really is the last living vestige of Rome.

So let me venture something to you…



Are you serious?  The Church didn’t officially switch away from Latin Masses until the 1960’s!  The formally exonerated Galileo in….1992!  These people don’t do anything fast, okay?  Additionally, some of these things the Church teaches took a while to evolve.  Like the whole “Excommunicate Gays” thing wasn’t official until 1179 (though they weren’t exactly cool with it before).  This is not exactly a “nimble” institution, and could definitely use some Lean Six-Sigma work.    Also, if stuff like this article, this about the Vatican bank, also this one about corruption is any indication, it seems like the Pope is fighting some entrenched and corrupt institutions and interests.  Kind of like the modern U.S. Congress.  Maybe he is playing politics because he’s worried about stuff like a modern Schism.  I mean, that shit’s happened before, ya know.  Maybe he wants to save the Church without destroying it?


Ah, what do I know?  I’m not Buzzfeed or Twitter, or a subscriber to /r/atheism 


I’ll go back to dick jokes now.





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