Dear New York City Residents During this Blizzard Event.

Apparently some of you are pretty pissed and upset that Mayor Bill DeBlasio has ordered that all non-emergency transports are to be off the streets after 11 P.M.  This has resulted in articles such as this, being written.  Apparently people are questioning the morality of making someone deliver take out in the middle of a blizzard.

Essentially they declare that New Yorkers cannot live without having their schwarma delivered after 11 P.M., and that apparently, popping open a can of Campbells soup is akin to asking them to whip up some Beef Wellington or else face starvation and cannibalism.

New Yorkers, let me go ahead and say this on behalf of everyone else in this country:

You are a bunch of bitches.

No, seriously, you are a collection of whiny, entitled, lazy fucks.  Is it so hard to make a PBJ sandwich for a day or two?  Oh my god, you might not have Pad Thai delivered at three in the morning.  Seriously, do you fuckers even know how to cook and fend for yourselves?  This is why the rest of America hates you.

No, it’s not because you are so hip and awesome.  It’s not because of your Broadway, museums, your nightlife, history, and “never sleep” ways.  It’s the fact you really are a bunch of bitches sometimes.  New York City, and to be fair, Los Angeles are the assholes at the party that always talk about how awesome they are, and have a story to one up yours.  However, you guys really are a bunch of bitches.

How can I make that claim?  Easy.

Hurricane Katrina.

No, I didn’t live in New Orleans, I lived sixty miles inland, but we went without power for two weeks.  I cooked spaghetti noodles in an old pot over an open pit fire for those two weeks so I could eat.  We stood in line for five hours at a time for warm bottled water.  The sheriff in my town actually stole ice from the National Guard base.  Don’t take that lightly, it was 91 degrees that day alone.  Now imagine that also the local water supply was contaminated.

And you can’t deal with going without your pizza for a day or two?

Seriously  Eat some crackers, drink some tap water.  Quit being bitches.


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