You can have my dank when you pry it from my limp, hungry hands.

Recently there has been a big push in my quaint state of Oklahoma to legalize medicinal marijuana.

Who knew that Sisyphus was into political causes?

I noticed it when I saw a collection of what appeared to be kids not even eligible for senior prom, much less voting, manning a cheap card table on the side of the road where you could sign the petition. Literally on the side of the road. You know, like at least 100 yards from any stop light, on a four lane road in the middle of a fielded area without a sidewalk, at rush hour in the summer. In Oklahoma.

Dude. Petition pro-tip. Set up your booth in a place where people can actually get to you. This is Oklahoma. No one is going to pull over and walk up and sign your petition. This is the type of place where people drive to the place they’re going to go jogging at. Also, green poster-board with black writing is about as illegible as my “doctor’s” signature on the Oxycontin script. Oh I get it, green for weed. Very clever. Though, why would I want medicinal weed when I live in a state that hands out opiates like a Mardi Gras float tosses beads?

Later, when I was at the LGBT Pride festival, I signed the petition because I respected the efforts of pandering to their market. The LGBT community refusing to expand the availability of drugs? Only if a pro-athlete says, “Just give my endorsement money to a women’s shelter.” I honestly think you couldn’t get them more excited for the next season of America’s Next Top Runway Drag Star Model Project. Another reason I signed the petition, is because I want to see the looks of crushed hopes and dreams from every stoner I know as they miss out on a script for their recent onset of “migraines”, when that thing fails so brutally. Most of the amusement will be on a meta level above that.

You see, I live in Oklahoma, probably the closest you could get to a libertarian controlled state outside of a failed African Nation. Yet, you have to remember, that to the average Oklahoman, Liberty means not freedom from oppression, but the Freedom to dictate principles that are better suited to a theocratic gun factory town….heh, I think I just described Lawton. This is the state where people think that the government should respect your privacy, unless it specifically involves your privacy. The governor actually stopped processing all marriage benefits for the National Guard because the Federal Government started allowing gays to not only serve, but support their partners. That’s not cutting off our noses to spite our face; our National Guardsmen look more intimidating if they have a nose like a skull.

Besides, those Guardsmen get spared the smell of dead children. Not in Afghanistan, but after the next tornado hits a school that lacks shelters because, “Taxes is gub’mint oppression. Now where’s my welfare check?”

There’s another level of irony there I wonder. Are these people fighting for my human and civil rights to smoke medical weed buying their sign supplies at Wal Mart, or perhaps Hobby Lobby?

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