The tubby gay dude from “Boogie Nights” died, and you really shouldn’t care.

Are you upset by that comment about Phillip Seymour Hoffman? Why? You didn’t know him.

It’s frustrating to see how a heroin addicted actor who relapsed into substance abuse is having heaps of platitudes and lamentations heaped upon him in his death instead of cruel and terrible insulting jokes at his expense. Why you ask? Simple.

It’s fucking hypocritical of us.

Remember when Paul Walker died? You know, the guy from “The Fast and the Furious”?

Sure, he is sexy and all, but he’s no pasty fat dude that looks like Truman Capote.

Remember all the jokes about how he died ironically in a car crash? Yeah, where are the jokes about “Hoffman should have stuck to Moneyball’s instead of speedballs,” at? They’re few and far between because everyone liked his movies. When a celebrity we like dies due to drugs, reckless behavior, or some other tragedy we are all wailing and lamentations with a bit of clothes wrending and ash tossing when they are especially sexy rock musicians. Oh god…can you imagine if rock “star”/actor Johnny Depp were to die tomorrow? It would be like Princess Diana and Kurt Cobain’s death all rolled into one. All those memorial bracelets people would wear…

It’s like he fisted a Claire’s

But think about it, we love our skilled, sexy, or popular celebrities and give them a wide berth of bad behavior short of murder or just nasty racism. Don’t believe me? Mel Gibson hasn’t done much of anything since he got caught drunk driving (no big deal for a celebrity) and went on an anti-Semitic tirade. Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen goes on pretty much a six month coke bender full of insanity and we loved him for it!

This is “Winning”? He looks like Hugh Jackman on mushrooms.

Or what about Michael Jackson? Holy shit did we love it when he was alive and weird.

You fuckers ate this shit up like white trash on all you can eat crab leg night

It never occurred to any of you that your own love of watching that man fall apart psychologically was your fucked up obsession with him, did it?

Or what about Britney Spears?

Remember when hating on her was cool?

Once she became stale, we found a new soul to feed on…

One, Two…the internet is coming for you. Three, Four…they think you’re a whore…

What am I getting at, though? I mean I was talking about celebrities dying and now I’m talking about tabloid trash and such. But it’s all the same thing really.

We’re fucking hypocrites, fickle fans, and generally shitty people when it comes to celebrity. We want Kim Kardashian trashy, but Miley Cyrus to still be Hanna Montana. Justin Beiber is simply grist for the mill, and I’ve got a solid $20 on it that half the people hating so hard on him loved him just a few years ago. Think about how much we hate the Catholic Church for it’s pedophillia cover up’s but we had people counting down to when the Olsen Twins became legal.

Some celebrities we think are our heroes because they made a movie or song that touched us, but the minute they lose our affection or trust we want to chew them to pieces. Some we love to see collapse psychologically and drive them gladly down the road to madness, let’s face it WE created Justin Beiber and Michael Jackson. WE gladly encourage Charlie Sheen’s drug addiction and insanity.

“Oh, but they’re celebrities, they chose that life and I didn’t force them to do these things!”

Bullshit, every drug addict, drunk, and spoiled rich brat with no understanding of consequences, has an enabler. Be it a buddy at the bar, a collection of sycophants, an army of screaming fans, or judges with golf buddies.

If you are blind to the fact your girlfriend was basically using you as an emotional replacement for their ex until they didn’t need you without needing an entourage of agents and adoring fans, then what hope does someone who banks a few million a year and who lives in a world built by ass kissers and fans have?

Still, though, what does that have to do with Fatty Scruffy Pale Dude and Sexy Bad Actor Dude? It’s the fact that we are using these people as emotional icons. Famous Moderately Attractive But Talented Guy was our hero because we thought we could be him; famous, rich, and respected for not being perfect (or even talented or gifted in any way special. I’m talking about you, not Hoffman). Famous Moderately Talented But Super Hot Guy was the person who we have loathed since high school, and we Schadenfreuded in our skivvies at watching him die in what really was an ironic death.

Quit projecting your bullshit insecurities or desires onto these people. You never knew Hoffman or Walker. Walker started his own charity and supported marine conservation. Hoffman spent most of his life as a drug addict. If they weren’t famous, you would be loving on Walker and hating on Hoffman. Instead you love Hoffman because he was a good actor, and gave zero shits about Walker because he got upstaged by The Rock and Vin Diesel. Either you learn to love both of them, learn to hate both of them, or not give a shit about either.

Me? I’ll not give a shit about either one, and the would would be a better place if we all did the same.


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